


El Diablo

by fullofstarlight



Category: Sicario (2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-15 13:29:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15413994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullofstarlight/pseuds/fullofstarlight
Summary: A year after her last meeting with Alejandro, Kate Macer gets an unexpected visit.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, it's been like over two years since I posted the first version of this fic. I took it down, because I felt like I didn't really put a lot of effort into this fic. The first version was full of grammar errors that I could have avoided had I bothered to proofread my work. I have all the chapters in my google account and plan to repost them after making small edits. The first chapter is slightly different, because the original prologue was meant to be a one-shot. I feel like this way it will flow into the first chapter better than the original did.
> 
> There are lines of lyrics in this fic that are credited towards the singer Lady Gaga. I do not claim them as my own.

_One year_ \-- that’s how long it’s been. _One year exactly_. That’s how long it has been since she's felt the cool metal pressed underneath her chin. It was a cruel threat, a way to force her hand. She can still feel the plastic of the pen between her fingers. Kate's hands tremble as she signs a credit card slip. Signing her name has never felt honest since that day. She takes the cup of hot black coffee in her hands and exits the coffee shop.

 

That’s when she hears it. _“Don’t call my name, don’t call my name...Alejandro._ ”

 

Simple lyrics from an outdated pop song fill her mind. _365 days._ She should be over it, but Kate Macer knows _she’ll never be over it._

 

 _“Please Alejandro just let me go._ ”

 

She stands frozen. This little shopping outlet in Tempe, Arizona is supposed to be her escape. It’s the place she goes to drown out  _that day_ by wandering in aimless circles. She’s passed each store thousands of times in the span of a year. She knows this place like the back of her hand. It’s her escape. _No_ , it was her escape. Now, it’s been poisoned just like so many little things in her life have been ruined.

 

Kate turns her shaking right hand over and eyes the simple timepiece around her wrist. _Her break is over_ . She walks through the parking lot, passing several cars. She notices a black Tahoe. Kate stops. She approaches the car and peers into the tinted windows. _It’s empty._ She expels a deep breath into the air. She brings her hot coffee to her lips and takes a long sip.

 

“You’re late for work, Kate.”

 

 _She knows that voice_ . The coffee drops from her hand, spraying against her boots in one burst of dark liquid. Kate’s eyes cast forward. _She sees him_ . She reaches for the gun tucked safely in the back of her black slacks. She raises the gun to him. _This time she’ll shoot_. She thinks this to herself over and over. _This time she’ll kill him._

 

“Why are you following me?” Kate asks.

 

“I needed to see you again,” Alejandro replies. “ _Just one last time_.”

 

“ _One last time…?_ ” Kate’s fingers hover over the trigger. If he means to slay her in this parking lot, she’ll kill him first. “You’ve come to kill me…?”

 

“No,” Alejandro replies. “I have no reason to kill you. You’ve stayed quiet. You’ve kept our bargain.”

 

"What do you want, then?" her voice trembles.

 

Alejandro steps towards her till her pistol is pressing against his chest. He places his hand over the top of the pistol, fingers curling over the barrel. He takes the pistol from her and disassembles it, letting all the pieces fall to the asphalt below them.

 

"I told you," his voice is cold and emotionless. "I needed to see you again."

 

Kate’s breath catches in her throat. Alejandro takes two steps forward, closing the last bit of distance between them. He presses his lips against hers in a light kiss. Kate feels this numbness run through her. Her body feels as if she’s shutting down. This is what it must be like to kiss the devil.

 

Alejandro pulls away from her. Kate steps back, placing her shaking fingers over her lips. He places his hands in his pockets, his eyes still lingering upon her face. Alejandro turns away from her without a word. She watches as he walks away from her. A part of her feels grateful, but another part wants to run after him. Alejandro is a part of her now, and there’s a twisted part of herself that _needs_ him.

 

He stops, looks over his shoulder, and says, “I’ll be calling on you soon, Kate.”

  
_Don’t call my name._ The small piece of lyric sticks in her mind at that last sentence. Kate closes her eyes. She releases a deep breath. When her eyes open, he is gone.


	2. I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cleaned this chapter up. It didn't really need a lot of editing except for minor changes so that the words flow better.

Kate has debated backing out of this arrangement several times within the past few days. The very notion of involving herself with Matt Graver and Alejandro Gillick is absurd. Yet, Kate won’t walk away from this -- not after her meeting with Alejandro in the parking lot. She thinks that maybe she needs answers. She thinks that this might be the only way to get passed the chaotic memories that keep her awake at night. She _must_ do this.

 

_"You're playing with fire Kate, and sooner or later, you're gonna get burned."_

 

It was Reggie’s warning to her, but she did not yield to his advice. Kate knows that Reggie’s words are correct in every possible way. Yet, she feels this pull to Alejandro -- a pull that she cannot resist. It’s a terrible habit of hers -- to be so bullheaded and stubborn. Her stubbornness may even be the death of her one day.

 

Kate's gaze lands on Reggie. His hands are curled around the steering wheel. His glance flits to her for a moment. A look of concern crosses his brow, but he does not say a word. She thinks maybe to ask him to turn the car around. The idea has crossed her mind several times during their drive to Tucson, but she can’t bring herself to ask. So, here they are, two best friends driving up to the gates of hell.

 

Kate leans back into the passenger seat of Reggie's sedan. They are approaching Davis Monthan Air Base. She catches the site of several old planes resting behind a chain link fence topped with barbed wire. _Last chance to turn back_. The thought disappears as fast as it comes. She’s made up her mind. Kate knows exactly what she will do. She’ll burn in hell with the devil she knows, because she’s a damn fool that doesn’t know when to stop.

 

The consequences of her decision are her responsibility now. It should scare her more than it does. She supposes she does feel fear, but perhaps that's what entices her the most. If she didn't enjoy the thrill of danger to some extent, she would be working a nine to five desk job instead of working for the FBI.

 

"What is this, Kate?" Reggie's tone is blunt as a dull blade. "I need you to be real with me here, okay? These people, Kate -- you know what they are now.”

 

Kate isn't sure what she should say. It's not as if she has a rational explanation for her decision. She hates that she has to lie, but she can't exactly be truthful with him. So, she tells a half-truth instead. "It will look good on my resume."

 

"No, that's not all of it," she can hear the seething anger in his voice. "I just want you to be honest with me about this. I know something happened -- something you think you can't tell me. I'm your partner and best friend, Kate. I really need you to trust me right now, because _these people_ \-- they don't give a _fuck_ about you! You are a means to their end."

 

"I know that!" Kate snaps. "I just -- _look_ \-- don't worry. I already know what I'm getting into. I'll be fine.”

 

Kate knows _exactly_ what she’s getting herself into. That’s the problem here. She knows, but she cannot seem to stop herself. She’ll get burned again. This time it will be worse. Kate knows this, but she doesn’t seem to care anymore.

 

The sedan pulls up to a guarded gate. A guard dressed in military fatigues exits his small box of a post. He puts his hand forward, motioning for them to break the car. Reggie roles his window down as the car slows to a halt.

 

"We're here to see, Matt Graver," Kate can hear the disgust in Reggie's voice as he speaks.

 

"Identification please."

 

Kate retrieves a small blue book from her pocket. She hands the leather bound book to Reggie who passes their documents to the guard. Kate stares up at an array of pink and orange in the sky as the guard looks over their identification books. There's nothing quite like an Arizonan sunset, and she just hopes she'll make it back alive to see another one.

 

"Macer is on the list. You are not," the guard informs.

 

" _Yeah, I know,_ " she can hear the bitterness in Reggie's tone.

 

Kate pulls on the chrome door handle and pushes the sedan door open. She glances one last time at Reggie, searching his face for some sort of approval.

 

"Be careful," he warns.

 

"I'll be fine," she doesn't exactly believe her words, but it's all she can offer.

 

Kate steps out of the car, and shuts the door behind her. Reggie eyes are full of worry as he eyes her through the car window. He reverses his car away from the gate. The car turns around, tires screeching as the sedan accelerates. He’s angry with her. That much is clear to her.

 

Kate understands why he’s angry. His response to this is completely rational. His concern for her safety and well being should drive a bit of sense into her thick skull. _It doesn’t_. She’s a fool. Kate accepts this.

 

Kate approaches the guards at the gate. She's chews the inside of her cheek nervously as her mind plays out several scenarios that might occur within the next few days. There are ones where the operation is smooth and successful, but most of them seem to end with her battered, hurt, and devastated.

 

"I'll radio Graver to let him know you're here," the guard says.

 

"Thank you," Kate replies.

 

 _Why am I doing this?_ Kate tries to organize her thoughts as she waits for Matt Graver to arrive. She's starting to regret her choice, but she's just too stubborn to walk away from it.

 

A black Chevy Tahoe pulls up on the other side of the gate. The guard buzzes the gate open, and every nerve in her system ignites as she steps towards the vehicle. Kate pulls the door open to the backseat of the SUV and climbs inside next to Matt Graver.

 

A pair of aviator sunglasses shield Matt's eyes as he smiles that familiar obnoxious slimy grin of his. "You ready for round two?"

 

"Not exactly," Kate replies. "But, I'll make it work."

 

"That's what like to hear," Matt says.

 

The Tahoe reverses away from the gate and turns into the base. Kate reclines into the black leather seat as she tries her best to appear calm. She needs to look collected and professional. She needs to look secure in her abilities to complete this job.

 

"Didn't want to bring your buddy along this time, eh?" Matt asks.

 

"It's best if he stays out of this," Kate replies, although she imagines that Reggie would decline even if she asked him to.

 

"I'm liking where this is going already!" Matt says with a sly smile.

 

Kate feels as if her skin is crawling with ants. Of course he wouldn't want Reggie anywhere near her, because he's a constant reminder of her humanity or whatever is left of it. Obviously, to some extent, Matt must believe she is easier to manipulate when she’s left to her own devices. It makes her wonder if Alejandro was truthful about how he convinced her to sign that document. Does Matt know that he made her sign that paper at gunpoint?

 

The Tahoe approaches a large jet and slows to a stop. Kate hesitates to exit the SUV. It's not too late to run away from this. She can go back to her apartment in Phoenix and catch the Arizona State vs. Arizona football game with Reggie tomorrow. It's that simple -- ask to turn the car around, call Reggie, hop onto Interstate 10, and don't look back.

 

She'll be safe at home. They can find someone else to cover up their dirty underhanded secrets, and she can stay the hell out of all of this mess. All she has to do is walk away and never look back.

 

 _But, she can't._ If she walks away, she knows that her life will be a never ending cycle of self-destruction. She'll go back to binge drinking and smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. Kate will coast through a broken life that she's not sure she'll ever recover from. If she takes this job, she'll have something to occupy her time. It will be enough to distract her from falling back into her destructive behavior.

 

Kate releases a staggered breath as she pulls herself together. She pulls the door handle and steps out of the Tahoe. Matt rounds the front of the SUV, grinning at her with that sleazy smile he wears so disgustingly well.

 

"I thought you'd changed your mind for a minute there," Matt says.

 

"Just had to clear my head," Kate replies. "I’m fine.”

 

"If it makes you feel better, the second time's always easier," Matt flashes a large smile. "You're not desensitized to everything your first time out."

 

"That doesn't exactly make me feel any better," Kate says. "You really need to work on your bedside manner, Matt."

 

"Ah well, you can't fault a man for trying," he says with a laugh.

 

Kate resists the urge to deliver Matt a punch to the face. Anger may burn inside her like a never-ending forest fire, but she needs to contain it. This is the job she volunteered for. She has no one to be angry with but her damn self.

 

"I have a feeling that when you said our destination was San Diego you actually meant Baja California," Kate says.

 

"Bingo!" Matt grins. "We're off to Tijuana!"

 

Kate feels Matt clap a hand against her upper back. She was hoping that maybe this case would be within their borders, but she supposes she should have known that they'd be heading back to Mexico. Isn’t that why they asked for her assistance to begin with?

 

"Hey, it's not as bad as Juarez," Matt says as they approach the jet.

 

"That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

 

They ascend up a flight of stairs mounted next to the plane. Kate feels as if her heart is ready to combust. She grips the metallic railing and steadies herself. She tells herself that she can get through this without dissolving into a mess of anxiety. She just needs to focus and stay calm.

 

Kate follows Matt inside the jet. When she sees Alejandro resting in a chair, a sharp surge shoots up her spine. She thinks to sit as far as she can from Alejandro, but finds herself taking the seat closest to him. She can feel his eyes on her. Kate bites her lower lip, avoiding any sort of eye contact.

 

"I didn't expect you'd follow through this time. Forgive me for doubting you."

 

It takes her a few beats to respond, but she finally steadies herself enough to say, "I'm going for a promotion. I was hoping Matt would give me a letter of recommendation after this."

 

"Hey, you just sign off on that paperwork, sweetheart, and that promotion is yours!" Matt promises as lays down into the couch.

 

Kate can hear the jet engines hiss from outside as the plane turns into the runway. She glances outside. The sun is descending behind a mountain range. She hasn't even left Arizona yet, but she already feels homesick. She just hopes she'll make it back home in one piece, but most of all, she hopes that she makes it home with her sanity intact.

 


	3. II

The plane ride is a little over an hour, but it feels like an eternity for Kate. She feels as if a heavy weight has been lifted from her when the plane drops from the sky. The plane rocks as it hits the runways, stirring Matt from his sleep. He jerks up from where he is laying on the couch, his hands rubbing his tired eyes.

 

"Shit, I'm fucking tired,” Matt’s voice slurs as he sits up straight.

 

Kate grips the armrest as every muscle in her body tenses. She knows what to expect this time, but she's also apprehensive that it may be worse than her trip to Juarez. There's also the unresolved tension between her and Alejandro that she's not even sure will ever be addressed. _It’s better that way._ The less she thinks of the incident in her apartment, the easier this assignment will be.

 

 _Be professional_ , she reminds herself. She must remember who Alejandro is and what he stands for. He is not the man she should ever place her trust in. She must remember what happened the last time she got involved with Alejandro and Matt. Neither of them ever truly had her back, and they both left her with traumatizing memories that she hasn’t fully recovered from.

 

The door to the plane opens. Kate doesn’t make eye contact with Alejandro. She keeps her eyes forward, making her way to the door. Kate descends down the steel steps all the way down to the asphalt on the runway.

 

Kate recognizes the man approaching Matt. It is the same man she met last year in El Paso -- the one that went into excruciating detail about his gonorrhea infection. She recalls his name, _Steve_ , and she also recalls that she found him ridiculously irritating to be around.

 

"So, is it herpes?" Matt asks.

 

"I don't know," he says. "Maybe it's just razor burn."

 

"Yeah, yeah whatever helps you sleep at night," Matt says. "Next time just wrap it up, buddy."

 

Kate does her best to tune out of their conversation. She would rather not hear about this man's potential STD infection, and she's wondering why anyone would even volunteer such personal information so easily.

 

She's so lost in her thoughts that she doesn't recognize how close she is to Alejandro. That is until she feels her hand brush against the warm flesh of his fingers. She jerks away from him in shock as every nerve within her feels as if it has been lit on fire.

 

Matt is still in deep conversation with Steve as they approach a black SUV. Matt opens the passenger side door and slides into the SUV, leaving the backseat to her and Alejandro. Kate feels tension crawl through her skin as she pulls the backseat door open. She shifts all the way over to the other side and does her best to avoid eye contact with Alejandro.

 

Kate hears the door slam shut, and she allows herself a quick glance at Alejandro whom is now sitting next to her. He looks so calm and collected as if he's never pointed a pistol under her chin. Does he ever think about that day? Does he even regret what he put her through? Kate breathes deeply. _No._ He probably doesn’t regret any of it.

 

The car stops in front of a long single story building. Kate pushes the door open almost too fast as she escapes from the vehicle of men she doesn't exactly trust. She almost trips as her feet hit the pavement. It takes her a few steps to regain her footing, but she retains her balance.

 

Kate joins the three men as they approach the building. Alejandro is silent as Matt and Steve continue to discuss Steve's sex life. As they enter the building, Kate decides that she's very much done hearing about Steve's potential herpes infection. There is only so many times she can listen to an analysis of red bump on male genitalia.

 

"Look," Matt says. "Just go to a doctor. Look, if you get an army of those things on your dick next month and try to explain that shit away, I'm gonna laugh my ass off."

 

Kate follows Matt through a long hallway until they reach a door at the end of the hall. Matt pulls the door open, and Kate enters without so much as a word. She spots coffee set up on a small table, and she uses it as an opportunity to break away from Matt and Alejandro. She goes to the table, and she pulls herself a fresh cup of coffee. Her mind is too preoccupied to bother pouring cream or sugar. Kate brings the styrofoam cup to her lips and takes a sip of her scalding hot cup of bitter black coffee.

 

Kate glances around the room. There are a few free spots a good distance away from both Alejandro and Matt. She could put some distance between them if she wants, but she finds herself pour another cup of coffee for Alejandro. Before she can even collect herself, she is standing in front of him offering him the steaming hot styrofoam cup.

 

"You -- uh -- kind of looked tired," her words are broken and staggered, and she loathes the lack of confidence she feels around him.

 

Alejandro takes the cup from her and she feels an electric feeling shoot through her at their contact. She pulls her hand back a bit too fast, but she manages to maintain eye contact.

 

"Thank you. It is much appreciated, Kate."

 

She takes a sharp step backwards and grips the cold metal on the folding chair behind her. Kate sits into the chair. She keeps her gaze on the projector screen set up in front of the room, trying to regain her sense of self.

 

Her skin tingles as she sees him gazing at her from the corner of her eye. She places one hand on top of her right knee and keeps her eye on the white projector screen. _This was a bad idea._ She manages one final glance at him. There eyes linger on each other before Kate snaps her gaze away from him.

 

A man dressed in military fatigues walks to the front of the room. Kate recognizes him by his wiry red beard. She doesn't recall his last name, but she remembers him as the leader of the Delta Squad from last years assignment. His first name was Charlie if her memory serves her correctly. She also recalls him as another member of this ragtag band of assholes she didn't much care for.

 

Charlie puts his hands on his hips as he faces his audience. "I'm glad to see you all here. Our assignment is to create a diversion for our undercover personnel to investigate and potentially detain a man involved in a human trafficking ring in Tijuana."

 

Charlie taps his thumb against a clicker and a photo of a young Hispanic man appears on the white screen. "The man you see here is Marco Cortez. He is linked to purchasing victims to work in his strip club Chicas Locos in Tijuana."

 

The slide changes as several faces of women appear on the screen. "All of these women were kidnapped in the San Diego, and we have the intelligence to believe that they are either working for Cortez or are circulated through his trafficking ring. The victim on the right hand corner is Shoshana Rosenberg. She is the twelve year old daughter of a very wealthy hotel chain owner, and he is paying us a pretty penny to get her home safely. If you identify her, be sure to get her away from gunfire or any other potential threats."

 

Kate glances at the girl's photograph. She sees her long, curly dark hair and her brown eyes. Her smile is so sweet. Kate cannot even imagine the nightmare of a life this girl wakes up to now. It makes her feel a little bit better that she will be turning a blind eye to all the illegal procedures that will take place in this assignment.

 

"Our team is to investigate illegal arms dealing as a distraction across state borders while our undercovers in the back of the room investigates Marco's titty joint" Charlie gestures over to where she is sitting with Alejandro and Matt. "Once he is detained, we will bring him across our borders for interrogation."

 

Charlie shuts the projector off. Kate's heart feels heavy. She hates being assigned to cases involving child abuse. The horrors she sees in these types of cases always keep her up at night. She never has gotten over some of the worst cases she’s seen. Perhaps, no one really does. It’s part of the job to learn to compartmentalize the worst of it.

 

Kate rises from her seat and sips her black coffee. She can't regret her choice anymore, because right now there are several children depending on her to be confident and capable. She wishes that this could be done up to code, but if she has to violate a few rules, this is the type of case that would leave her with the least bit of guilt after all is said and done.

 

Kate waits next to Alejandro and Matt as the room clears out. Matt takes two steps closer to her and places his hands in his pockets.

 

"You're gonna be a dolled up tomorrow," Matt explains.

 

"I'm not exactly the best with hair and makeup," Kate replies.

 

"Not a problem. We have a makeup artist that will dress you tomorrow," Matt replies.

 

"What are we supposed to be?" Kate asks.

 

"We'll we're supposed to look like American tourists. Alejandro over here is gonna be the guy with all the money. I'm going to pose as his business partner," Matt pauses and flashes a smile. "You -- Kate -- you're gonna be Alejandro's bimbo trophy girlfriend. So, do your best to act stupid."

 

Kate bites back her anger at Matt's last comment and responds as calmly as she possibly can. "How do you intend to get weapons through the front door?"

 

"That's your job," Matt replies. "The front door staff will pat down Alejandro and I. They very rarely search female clients unless a woman rouses suspicion. That's why we need you to act dumb."

 

Kate nods. Her shaking nerves are replaced with the confidence she must have to do her job. She sips her coffee and straightens her posture.

 

"I'll meet you both in this room at sixteen hundred hours," Matt replies.

 

Kate watches as Matt leaves the room. Each and every nerve in her body becomes tense. She’s alone in this room with Alejandro. She remembers the cool steel against her chin as if it happened yesterday. Kate releases a heavy breath and does her best to steady herself.

 

"She won't be there tomorrow," Alejandro says.

 

Kate raises her gaze to meet his amber eyes. She doesn't know exactly what she should say to him or if she should even speak at all.

 

"The club is too close to the border," Alejandro continues. "There are too many American Tourists, and they are generally put off by child trafficking. She'll more than likely be in a more secluded location."

 

Kate feels anger burn within her as her stomach turns in disgust. It's appalling what humans can be capable of when they are behaving at their very worst.

 

"Cortez knows where she is?" Kate asks.

 

"He likely purchases women to work for his club from the same location," Alejandro explains. "It's likely we will obtain the information from him when we detain him."

 

Kate tries not to think about how they will pull the information from Cortez. She bites the inside of her lip and pulls her gaze away from Alejandro.

 

"Get some rest," he says. "You have a long day ahead of you tomorrow."

 

Kate stands nervously as she watches Alejandro exit the room. She takes another sip of her now lukewarm coffee. She can't exactly put an emotional label on what it is she feels when she's around Alejandro. Whatever it is, it makes her uneasy.

 

Kate tosses the styrofoam cup into a plastic garbage can. She is overwhelmed with exhaustion. The best thing she can do now is get some sleep. _Tomorrow...it begins again._

  



	4. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally written in two separate chapters, but I felt like they could be combined into one chapter. I'm rereading all this and it's bringing back a lot of good memories. I forgot how much I really liked writing this story. It's interesting to see a new group of people read and enjoy this. Thanks for all your comments.

It takes hours for her makeup artist to set her makeup and hair to perfection. The thick coverages of foundation and powder irritates her skin, the curled clip-in extensions are a bit too tight against her scalp, and the glued on eyelash extensions itch against her eyelids. It makes Kate wonder how high-maintained type women go through day to day life without losing it and suddenly she has so much respect for anyone that can devote so much energy into their appearance day to day.

 

Kate does her best to adjust to the uncomfortableness of her new appearance as she tries to balance in her ridiculously thin heels. She's almost nervous to see how different she looks, and she almost doesn't want to even look in the mirror at all. She allows herself one glance, and she doesn't even recognize the reflection she sees. The long black lashes, red lipstick, and carefully placed contouring conceal the imperfections that she's prone to pick at any other time she glances in the mirror.

 

Kate adjusts the far too expensive blue _Dolce and Gabbana_ strapless cocktail dress. She tries to tell herself to enjoy it while it lasts. The chances of her ever wearing something this extravagant again is highly unlikely. It will be a long string of promotions before she could even dream to afford an outfit this expensive, and even then, it's not likely that she'll ever have an occasion where she'll need something this expensive anyways.

 

When her feet finally adjust to the obnoxious stilettos, Kate snatches the equally ridiculously expensive purse that will soon be used to smuggle guns into some strip club across the border. She steadies herself as she leaves her room. Her thin black heels click against the tile floor as she walks down the hallway to meet Alejandro dressed in one of his suits. He's always dressed himself nicely, and she imagines he didn't really need much help looking the part.

 

Alejandro's eyes gaze at her a bit too long before he averts his gaze. There's this thick unaddressed tension in the air, and Kate tries her best to ignore it. Alejandro is shifting between looking at her from the corner of her eyes and pretending as if she doesn't exist. It's awkward, and she's not even sure she wants an answer for his off behavior.

 

Matt approaches them from the end of the hallway. He's dressed in a button down tropical shirt partnered with a pair of khaki pants. His dark hair is slicked back as a pair of sunglasses shield his eyes. It's only fitting that he gets to play the part of douchebag upper class tourist. He grins his trademark slimy grin as he meets her and Alejandro at the end of the hall.

 

"You guys see Steve?" Matt asks. "He was supposed to get me McDonald's before we head out. I'm fucking starving."

 

Kate resists rolling her eyes. It doesn't surprise her that Matt actually asked an agent to hit the Golden Arches before heading out, but it still angers her at how unprofessional he can be. The last thing that should be on his mind is a Big Mac and fries.

 

Matt glances at his watch and lets out a frustrated sigh. "Fuck it. I'll get something on the way back."

 

Matt walks passed them and presses the front door open. Kate follows behind Alejandro as they approach a brand new black Mercedes Benz. Matt opens the backseat door and slides into the car before pulling the car door shut behind him. Alejandro is approaching the driver's seat, and Kate goes around the car to the passenger's side.

 

Kate opens the car door and collapses into the black leather seat. She keeps her eyes forward, and she tries her best to avoid glancing over at Alejandro. She needs to maintain her focus if she expects to do her job in a competent manner, and right now, she's not feeling confident in her capabilities.

 

"Pst!"

 

Kate glances behind her to see Matt handing her a pistol from the backseat. She sets her purse next to her feet and takes the pistol in her hands.

 

"I don't think we'll run into any trouble before we reach the club, but keep it ready just in case," Matt instructs.

 

Alejandro turns the key in the ignition and the car roars to life. Adeline shoots through her, and her heart hammers against her chest. She's about to cross the border back into Mexico, and she's having flashbacks from last year. Her fingers tremble at the thought of what might happen. She breathes deeply and tells herself to relax.

 

Kate can see an old blue Pontiac Trans Am pull up behind their car in her rearview mirror along with several black SUVs. It's unreal that she actually agreed to this, but she can't really back out now. She just has to make it through the night so that she might have a beer or two with Reggie in a couple of days.

 

"Keith and his partner will be following us in case we need back up," Matt explains. "The rest of our team will be creating a diversion to keep us from being identified crossing the border."

 

Kate breathes as she takes in Matt's information. There is so much that can go wrong, and all kinds of possibilities are running through her mind. Kate tells herself that it would be too difficult to see through the diversion they've created. She tells herself that she might as well relax back into her seat, because this is the easy part of their mission. The hard part will be waiting for them on the other side of the border.

 

Her thoughts should comfort her, but they don't. She's still a bit too shaky, and she's still not as confident as she would like to be. She manages a glance over at Alejandro. He seems so still, so calm -- so collected. Kate wonders if a life has to be mutilated in every possible way for a man to become so numb to fear. She shouldn't pity him for the life he's led. He doesn't deserve her sympathy nor would he want it.

 

The car approaches the border, and Kate retrieves her driver's license from her purse. She hands Alejandro the false California issued driver's license and passport. He takes the card from her hand, and she tenses as their fingers touch for a split second. She hasn't decided what she feels when he touches her, but Kate knows whatever it is that she feels is dangerous.

 

The man at the border looks over their cards as he glances over each passenger in the car. "Where are you all headed?"

 

She watches as Alejandro makes eye contact with the border patrolman and he smiles a false warm smile. "I'm taking the girlfriend and my buddy to Tijuana."

 

The border patrolman leans on the window frame as he glances over at her. The man eyes her and he whistles before saying, "Damn, you're one lucky dog! Y'all go right on through."

 

Kate feels her muscles relax as the patrolmen returns their false licenses and passports to Alejandro. He waves them forward, and Kate is thankful for how smoothly they crossed. She watches Keith's Pontiac pull into the checkpoint in her rearview. She imagines that he'll have a more difficult time crossing.

 

Their car merges into heavy traffic, and Kate pulls her gun from her purse. She scans several cars for any sign of suspicious movement. Most of the passengers appear to be American, but she does notice some local vehicles in the traffic surrounding their car.

 

Keith's car pulls up behind them, and it relieves some of her tension knowing that they have backup on call if needed. Kate can see the black SUVs file through traffic in their own secluded lane. There is the sharp sounds of rapid gunfire, and she grips her pistol, half-tempted to aim it in the direction of the gunfire.

 

"Don't react," Alejandro warns. "Their job is to create a diversion. If you open fire, it will blow our cover."

 

The car shifts to the right lane and exits off the highway. She notices a two story building lit up with purple neon lights. Bright red cursive letters read _Chicas Locos_. This building is clearly their destination. Kate is doubting her capabilities as the car descends down the freeway ramp. She breathes deeply once more and prays that she can make it through this with her sanity in tact.

 

"Conceal these in your purse."

 

Kate looks over her shoulder to see Matt holding two guns in each hand. She takes the weapons from him and gently tucks them inside the overpriced Louis Vuitton purse. It's ironic how this simple leather bound purse has now become more like a duffle bag to smuggle three pistols into some cheap looking strip club.

 

 _Act stupid_ , she reminds herself as the car approaches the valet podium. Alejandro rolls the window down, and he's speaking Spanish to the young man leaning on the podium. He retrieves his wallet from the inside of his blazer and exchanges money with the man. Alejandro exits the car and motions for her to exit the car.

 

Kate grabs her purse from the floor of the car and steps outside. Alejandro walks to the other side of the car and places his arm around her waist. She catches a sickening glance from Matt. He must know this makes her uncomfortable, and he's enjoying each and every moment of it.

 

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready to see some ass and titties," Matt announces.

 

It occurs to her that Matt isn't exactly acting much, because she can definitely see him behaving this way under normal everyday circumstances. It calls her own acting into question, and she recognizes she's not putting on a convincing show. She bites back every thought that is trying to convince her to break her character and blow her cover. If this is going to work, she needs to be convincing. Kate leans onto Alejandro's shoulder and puts on her best impression of a giddy drunk smile.

 

"Aw, you both look so cute!" the sarcasm in Matt's voice isn't quite obvious but it's there.

 

She's so close to snapping at Matt, but she sees the young man return from parking their car. All of a sudden her purse feels heavy as led, and she remembers her job. She resists any insult or glare she might deliver. Kate resorts to releasing a ditzy nauseating giggle as she snuggles into Alejandro. Her pride will suffer surely, but if they succeed, Kate can live with her slightly bruised ego.

 

The young man motions Alejandro and Matt towards him. Kate watches as he pats Matt down first followed by Alejandro. The doorman glances over at Kate. He eyes her for a moment, but it's not out of suspect. It's the dirty look a guy gives a woman when he's mentally undressing her. She resist the urge to scoff in disgust at him, and does her best to imitate a tipsy half-drunk walk as she rejoins the group.

 

Alejandro's arm is around her waist again, and she's finally found it within herself to stay in character. "Oh my god, I've _like_ never been to one of these places before!"

 

She's giggling into Alejandro's shoulder, and the doorman is shaking his head at her with a half-smile. He says something in Spanish and waves them inside. The doorman holds the door open for them, and Kate crosses the threshold into the building with Alejandro still holding her close to him. They've made it this far. Now all she has to do is find Cortez, and this day will be over.

 

Loud music fills Kate's ears as she enters the building. They are approached by another large bouncer type man, and he guides them over to a table in the corner. Kate sets her purse next to her feet and recognizes that two of the guns are now missing from it. It takes a moment for the shock to wear off, and honestly, she shouldn't really be surprised that both Matt and Alejandro were able to pull the guns without her noticing.

 

Kate regains her focus and scans the room for any sign of Cortez or the kidnapping victim posted on the projector slide from last night's meeting. She sees a man dressed in an expensive suit near the bar. Kate leans over to Alejandro.

 

"That's Cortez," she says.

 

His eyes follow her gaze, and they both watch as he is flirting with a scantily clad, beautiful dark skinned woman. She feels rage boil inside her. How many women does he purchase that must be forced to endure his sexual advances every night?

 

A waitress approaches the table. She's a bit older than some of them women in the building, but could still be considered pretty. She speaks with a thick Spanish accent, but manages to speak decent enough English.

 

"What do you want to drink?" she asks.

 

"I'm feeling like a Long Island," Matt says with a huge smile.

 

Kate is about to ask for a whiskey coke, but settles for a more stereotypical girly drink to maintain her part convincingly. "I’d like a Malibu Pineapple."

 

"Crown and coke," Alejandro's orders.

 

The waitress departs the table and Matt leans closer to them. "We'll wait to see if he leaves the building before we engage him."

 

Kate glances over at Cortez. He is still flirting with the same woman next to the bar. She watches him take a drag from his cigarette before putting it out in an ashtray. Cortez glances over in her direction. Kate shifts her gaze away from him. She manages another glance at Cortez and his eyes are on her like a hawk.

 

Alejandro tilts her chin towards towards him, and he leans forward to kiss her. His lips are warm against hers and she can feel his facial hair brush against her. Her heart is hammering against her chest as a jolt of energy rushes through her.

 

He pulls away from her. Kate does a quick glance over at Cortez. He's no longer watching her and has returned to flirting with the woman by the bar. She rubs her lips together nervously. She recalls a quote from some _Captain America_ movie she'd see with Reggie three years prior.

 

_"Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable."_

 

His reasoning doesn't stop her from feeling a little uncomfortable herself. Maybe it's because she hasn't actually had a decent date in years. Maybe it's because the last person she kissed before him tried to choke her to death on the living room floor of her old apartment. Regardless of the reason, she feels _off_ , and she can't exactly place the reason for how she feels.

 

Cortez puts his blazer around the woman and is making his way to the exit. Kate watches as Matt types on his phone as he rises from his chair. Alejandro and Kate follow suit, and Kate notes that the waitress never even got around to bringing their drinks back. Not a big deal. She's never been a fan of Malibu Pineapple to begin with.

 

They follow the pair outside. Matt and Alejandro draw their guns. Kate pulls hers from her purse. Kate watches the man behind the valet podium draw his gun. Kate aims her gun and manages to make a clean headshot before he fires. It feels awful. The man looked barely over twenty and might not even be involved in Cortez’s dealings.

 

The woman is on the ground screaming uncontrollably with her hands above her head. "Don't shoot me! _Please_ I've been kidnapped! I have a family in California!"

 

Kate raises her gun towards Cortez and orders, "Hands above your head!"

 

Cortez raises his arms. Kate watches as Matt restrains Cortez' hands with a plastic zip tie. She sees Keith's Trans Am pull into the parking lot followed by an army of SUVs. Several armed men in military fatigues file out of the vehicles. Kate can feel her heart rate slow to a more steady pace as a feeling of security washes through her.

 

"You did well, Kate."

 

Kate's eyes raise to meet Alejandro, and she gives him a soft half smile. "Thank you."

 

"Steve will take you back across the border," he says. "You can go back to Phoenix tomorrow."

 

"Until Matt needs me again," Kate can hear the bitterness in her tone.

 

Steve adjust his thick rimmed glasses as he approaches her. Kate's eyes meet Alejandro's briefly before she follows Steve to an SUV. Kate climbs in the backseat of the Chevy Tahoe. Adrenaline is still pumping through her, and despite her best efforts, Kate can't find it within her to relax. She takes her phone out, and she scrolls down her contacts till she reaches Reggie.

 

_"I'm coming home tomorrow morning."_

 

Kate hits send and returns her phone to the overpriced bag. She can't divulge any information tomorrow, but she could use a night out. It's a small reward for the hell she has just endured, and she's just really looking forward to a beer with her best friend.

 

Steve climbs into the car and starts the car. She sits back in her seat and breathes. The car reverses, and she's on her way back to America.

 

As the car accelerates onto the freeway ramp, Kate loses herself in her thoughts. It's difficult to believe that she's actually going through with this after all the trauma she suffered last year. She hasn't actually fully recovered from last year, and she assumes that she's going through with this as a distraction.

 

It sounds a lot like fighting fire with fire, and when you play with fire, someone eventually gets burned. Kate feels like that person will most likely be her. Kate touches her fingers to her lips as she recalls her kiss. She was only playing a part, but it didn't much feel like acting at all. It felt _real_ , and that notion scares her.

  
  



	5. IV

Kate is grateful to be back in her apartment safely in Phoenix. She goes to her balcony with a pack of cigarette and lighter in hand. It’s the middle of November, and the scorching desert heat has finally dissipated into a soft chill. Phoenix will never see a spec of snow, but it’s still cold enough that she has to wear a sweater before stepping outside. Kate lights the cigarette and fills release as nicotine fills her lungs. It’s a terrible habit. Her dad gets after her about it whenever she visits him in Tucson. For a while, she believed she would stop -- _maybe tomorrow_... _just this last one_. Now, she doesn’t believe she’ll quit any time soon.

 

She sits on her patio chair and takes her phone from her pocket. There is a text from Reggie. Kate unlocks her phone and reads his text. _“I’ve been worried about you since you left.”_

 

_“I’m fine, Reggie. Are you free tonight? I could really use a beer right now.”_

 

_“I’m free. I’ll be over in fifteen.”_

 

Kate sets the phone on her lap as she tries not to think about her new assignment, her weird attraction to Alejandro, or the potential scenarios that might happen within the next week. She needs to stay focused and think of a positive outcome -- the one where she lives to see a nice promotion and pay increase.

 

Kate dabs her cigarette out in a glass ashtray. She sees a full moon in the sky, and it reminds her of the words Alejandro had offered her a year ago. _You are not a wolf, and this is the land of wolves now._

* * *

The car ride through Old Scottsdale is quiet and uncomfortable. Reggie parks his car parallel to the sidewalk. Kate exits the car and glances over at the bar, _Gilligan’s_. She’s been here with Reggie a couple of times. It’s a lot less upscale than the fancy nightclubs scattered around the area, but she likes it better this way. She can handle a crowd of lewd drunks better than fancy rich men flashing money for attention.

 

Kate walks up to the bouncer, and both her and Reggie hand him their state driver's licenses. The bouncer scans them briefly before returning their identification and giving them a half-hearted _"enjoy your night"_.

 

They walk inside the bar to a well lit room. The walls are decorated with several state license plates and neon beer signs. It feels a little bit like a dive, but Sunday nights don’t particularly bring in an immense crowd to begin with. Kate likes it this way.

 

Reggie approaches the bar and orders two beers. They both retire to a table in the corner of the room. Kate takes her beer from Reggie’s hand and leans back in the wooden chair. She takes a sip and relaxes. She needed this beer.

 

“You need to get out of this,” Reggie finally breaks the silence between them. “I saw what it did to you last time. I’m not going to sit and watch this shit show again, Kate. You’re too important to me.”

 

“Reggie, I’m fine,” she says. “It wasn’t a big deal last time. Besides, they let me keep the clothes I wore for the undercover assignment.”

 

“An overpriced dress doesn’t change shit,” Reggie said. “Kate, _why_ the _hell_ are you doing this?”

 

She recycles the same lie she’s been telling since she took the job. “I want that promotion. Do you want Sampson to be our supervisor next month?”

 

Reggie averts his gaze as he releases a frustrated sigh. “That’s not it, Kate. I know it isn’t. I’m not Sampson’s biggest fan either, and I’d love for you to get the promotion more than anyone. _But_ Kate _come on_ …what you are doing is insane!”

 

Kate doesn’t answer his questions. She lowers her eyes to the wooden table and tries her best to keep her emotions in control. The stress of being around Matt and Alejandro combined with the anxiety that her assignment brings makes her feel like she’s being pulled apart from the inside.

 

She’s not sure why says it, but she’s just so compelled to ask. “Reggie, have you ever been attracted to someone that you shouldn’t?”

 

Kate lifts her eyes to meet Reggie’s, and she can see all the fear in the world in his brown eyes. His voice is laced with anger when he speaks, “Which one is it? _Please_ for the love of god don’t tell me it’s Matt.”

 

“No, it’s not Matt,” she says just above a whisper.

 

Reggie’s pupils dilate and he pauses to digest the information. Reggie’s voice cracks as he speaks in a low whisper. “How did he get you to sign the affidavit, Kate? I’m seriously scared for you right now.”

 

“I can’t talk about it,” she resists any spec of tear that threatens to form.

 

“Look,” he says. “I’m going to go to that bar. I’m going to get you a double shot of Jameson, and you’re going to have to promise me you’re not going to _ever_ act on whatever the fuck this is.”

 

Reggie rises from his chair and walks briskly back over to the bar. Kate can read all of his rage in his body language, and she almost wishes she hadn’t told him. _Almost_. She really needs a friend’s listening ear, and even if he disapproves, she’s not suffocated in her own denial anymore.

 

Reggie returns to the table, setting a shot glass of amber liquid in front of her. “You’re going to take this shot, and we’re both going to forget what you just said. We’re going to have a nice night out tonight, okay?”

 

He flashes his boyish smile, and it lifts her spirits just enough to relieve the building tension in her shoulders. Kate takes the shot glass in between her fingers and manages to slam it down in one swallow. Her throat burns and she dissolves into a coughing fit. Reggie laughs as she struggles with the aftermath of her heavy shot.

 

"You okay?" Reggie ask with a half-grin.

 

"Yeah," Kate says. "I just _really_ needed that."

 

Reggie shakes his head as his grin widens. "You know, I'm really hoping you get that promotion. Sampson was parading around the office today acting like he owned the damn place."

 

"He's in for a surprise next month," Kate leans back into her seat as a devious smile spreads across her face.

 

"Wait?" Reggie pauses with a grin that matches hers. "You sure you got this?"

 

"It's part of the deal," Kate explains.

 

"It sounds a lot like cheating," Reggie says. "But, I can deal with it if it means Sampson will never live out his dreams of being the department dictator."

 

That thought makes her feel a little bit better about her involvement with Alejandro and Matt. That and the fact that she'll eventually be putting an end to a human trafficking ring. The image of twelve year old Shoshana Rosenberg flashes in her mind momentarily, and it eases the guilt of being part of Matt's illegal assignment. If she can save that little girl, it will feel a lot like canceling out her guilt.

 

"It's hard to believe you're going to be my boss soon," Reggie says.

 

"I know," Kate says. "I'm just looking forward to seeing the look on Sampson's face when he mysteriously is passed up for the job."

 

Reggie dissolves into a laughing fit. "After all his shit talk in the office over the last two years, I'm _so_ looking forward to it."

* * *

When Reggie drops her off at her apartment, Kate is surprised at how little she actually drank. Lately, she's had a hard time handling her liquor, and it's a nice surprise that she managed to put the brakes on her drinking before it got out of hand. Maybe this assignment was what she needed to get through the emotional trauma that haunts her every day.

 

Kate unlocks her door and pushes her apartment door open. Her phone is vibrating in her back pocket. Kate retrieves it almost instantly. Who would call her at one in the morning? Her caller ID reads unknown number, and she feels as if she's been punched in the gut. There goes her mini-vacation from her current assignment.

 

Kate hits answer and says, "Hello."

 

"Hey Kate, it's Matt."

 

Her skin crawls at the sound of his voice, and she wants more than anything to punch him again. "Did you -- uh -- need anything?"

 

"Well, Alejandro and I finally got Cortez to talk," Matt explains. "So, I need you to be at Luke Air Force Base tomorrow at 9AM."

 

"Okay, I can make it," she replies.

 

"Good, good!" Matt says. "I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning!"

 

The phone disconnects. Kate releases an irritated groan. She was really hoping that she'd get to have a good night's rest tonight. She supposed that lack of sleep is part of the job description, but that doesn't mean she has to like it.

 

Kate walks out to her balcony. Her lighter and pack of cigarettes are still on her patio table untouched. She takes a cigarette from the pack and lights it as her thoughts begin to drift.

 

She's admitted to her attraction towards Alejandro, and the curious part of her wonders if that attraction is mutual. The answer to that question really shouldn't matter, because it would be unprofessional to ever act on whatever the hell this is. This isn't some call center or waitressing gig. This is a government assignment and fraternization is a huge no-no. That's how mistakes are made on the job, and that's how people end up getting themselves killed.

 

Kate takes a long drag from her cigarettes. Maybe, after all this is over, she'll download one of those dating apps for her phone. Reggie seems to have great success with Tinder. She smiles a little as she recalls him boasting about his sex life in the break room. There isn't a day in that man's life that he'll go home alone when he wants company.

 

Kate puts out her cigarette before she has even burned through half the stick. Kate wants to believe that maybe her productivity in this new case has slowed her smoking and drinking, but she's also weary that something might happen tomorrow or the next day to spike those habits to another level. She shakes off her concerns. She needs sleep, because tomorrow is going to be a big day.

 


	6. V

The ride to Luke Air Force Base is thick with a tense, awkward silence. Reggie's knuckles are tightly wrapped around the steering wheel as his eyes stare straight into the road. He's furious, and it makes Kate feel all sorts of uncomfortable guilt and shameful feelings. This is the first time she’s really seen Reggie legitimately angry with her.

 

Reggie is completely correct in how he feels. If their roles were reversed, Kate would feel just as angry and frustrated. Her behavior is borderline destructive. Kate knows this, but can’t seem to get out of this destructive cycle. She continues to walk on this path of destruction with little regard to the psychological and physical consequences it will have on her future.

 

Kate sees Reggie give her a soft side glance, and when he speaks, his voice is slow yet stern. "Whatever you do Kate, _don't_ act on that thing you told me last night."

 

"It wouldn't matter," she says. "I doubt he'd even give a shit."

 

"That's not the damn point," Reggie's voice is exhausted and angry. "I just really need you to promise me you won't do anything stupid."

 

Reggie’s words sting. Kate wants to defend her ridiculously dangerous actions. She almost snaps in retort to justify herself, but she stops herself. Kate knows he's right, and she can't hold that against him. He's doing what any good friend would do, and it would be worse if he encouraged her.

 

"I'm not going to act on it," she finally says. "I promise."

 

Kate words don’t feel sincere. She knows that there is a twisted part of her that might do the wrong thing if it is presented to her, but she also believes that her morals are still with her underneath the anxiety and depression that seems to swallow her whole. Kate wants to believe that the old _Kate Macer_ still exists in her. If she can just get through this, she can find that part of herself again.

 

Reggie slows the car as he approaches the gate. There is a faint look of doubt in his features as he says, "Kate, remember... _you promised_."

 

"I -- I'll be fine."

 

Kate can't even bare to look at him, because it is far from the truth. She has been the furthest thing from _fine_ since she first got involved with Alejandro and Matt. She shuts the door and watches as the car reverses from the gate. She won't be fine after this. What she is about to experience will probably alter her for the rest of her life. This is the choice she has made, and she can’t back out of it now.

 

Kate takes a few shaky steps towards the guard posted at the gate. She retrieved her leather bound document from her back pocket and hands it to the guard. He scans over her documents and gives her a small nod.

 

"I'll radio for Graver to come pick you up," he says.

 

The thought of flying in that plane again feels so daunting, and there's a part of her that's trying to find some excuse to escape her agreement to this assignment. That part of her longs to just hide in her apartment, kill a bottle of Jameson, and never step foot outside again.

 

Kate sees an SUV pull up to the gate. The guard pages the gate open. As she steps across the threshold into the Air Force base, she can feel anxiety crawl through her skin. She steps towards the SUV and pulls the backseat door open. Her shoulders relax when she sees that her only company will be a driver she's never met before.

 

 _It's not going to be so bad,_ she tries to convince herself. She's already seen so much, and she's somehow managed to maintain her life. She's seen dead bodies of women, children, and infants during various investigations. Whatever is across the border, she can handle it. It's what she signed up for when she choose to work for the FBI.

 

The car stops in front of the jet. She takes a deep breath and steps out of the SUV. Kate sees Alejandro next to Matt, and she suppresses whatever attraction she feels towards him. She approaches them and tries to stand a good distance from the both of them.

 

Kate catches Alejandro steal a glance at her, and she does her best to pretend as if she didn't notice. Kate wants to hold to the promise she made to Reggie. She _needs_ to hold to that promise, because heaven knows what will happen if she doesn't.

 

"You ready?" Matt says with his trademark shit eating grin.

 

"I have to be," her voice is tense, but stern enough that she sounds strong and capable.

 

Kate straightens her posture and squares her shoulders. Maybe if she pretends that she's ready -- maybe if she conceals her fear well enough, it will eventually vanish from her. _Fake it till you make it_. That's what her father had always told her, and she's hoping there's some truth in his mantra.

 

Matt motions for her to follow, and she follows behind him up the steel staircase. She can feel Alejandro's presence behind her and a sharp feeling prickles down her spine. She glances down at her feet and just tries to focus on each small step forward.

 

When she steps inside the plane, Matt is making himself comfortable on the couch. She takes the seat next to a window, hoping that maybe she'll have some distance from the both of them. Her heart lurches when Alejandro sits in the seat directly next to hers, and her skin tingles at the closeness of his presence.

 

Kate tilts her gaze out the window, staring out at clear blue sky. Her hand grips her knee, and she tries to steady her mind. At some point -- over a year ago -- she was level headed. She was a go getter, and perhaps one of the most respected people in her department. Kate can get back to that. If it was possible to be strong before, she can still find it in her to be strong now.

 

"You’re nervous," his words are a statement of observation rather than a question.

 

"I don't like to fly."

 

It's her best excuse, and she's pretty sure he doesn't believe her. She just hopes that he is unaware of the reasoning behind her nerves. Kate legs cross together as her right hand grips her arm rest.

 

Every muscle in her constricts when she feels the plane move. It will only be a little over an hour, and they'll land. It won't be so bad. She just needs to close herself off to him, and it will be impossible for him to know that she has some fucked up attraction towards him.

 

"Ugh," Matt groans from his couch. "I'm gonna pass out. Don't get too friendly over there while I'm asleep. I don't want to wake up to anything weird."

 

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Kate snaps defensively.

 

"Chill out," Matt says. "I was just joking. Jesus, do you always take everything so personally?"

 

Kate stares him down as his lips transforms into some sick half-grin. She feels a chill rush down her as she tries to decode what exactly is running through that man's twisted mind. He couldn't possibly think that _maybe_...

 

No, she's being absurd. Kate leans back into her chair and keeps her gaze forward. _Don't let him get to you_ , she thinks. _He's not worth your thoughts._

* * *

The plane ride is uneventful. There is small talk here and there, but nothing out of the ordinary. When the plane hits the runway, Kate feels her tension ease. She's ready to get some air and some personal space.

 

Matt is stirring from his nap, arms stretching as he releases a deep yawn. Kate rises with Alejandro, and she does her best to maintain a solid composure. She follows behind Alejandro as they exit down a flight of steel steps.

 

Steve is leaning against an SUV with legs and arms crossed. Kate visualizes herself taking the passenger's seat next to Steve, separating herself from both Matt and Alejandro. She can envision herself holding to Reggie's promise and making the rational decision.

 

But, when she reaches the SUV, she's doesn't hold true to that plan. She's grabbing the door handle to the backseat of the vehicle, and she climbs inside as Alejandro follows her. Matt and Steve claim their seats in the front of the SUV.

 

"So, I guess it is herpes," Steve announces, his tone solemn and drained.

 

"I told you to put a rubber on it," Matt chides. "But, did you listen? _Nope_."

 

"Yeah, I know," Steve's tone is a mixture of shame and irritation when he replies.

 

The rest of the ride is quiet. The silence is discomforting, and it almost makes her wish that Matt and Steve would conversate about the ridiculously stupid topics they'd usually talk about. It would be annoy her, but it would be preferable than the company of the tense silence hanging in the vehicle.

 

The car parks at that familiar long building, and Kate dreads her return to Tijuana. Mexico is the last place she wishes to be, and here she is volunteering to walk back into a warzone. She must have lost her mind lost year. That is the only explanation for her rash behavior.

 

Kate exits the car. Charlie is approaching them fully dressed in military fatigues. He scratches his red beard briefly before shaking Matt's hand. "Good to see you."

 

"You too," Matt says.

 

"You ready to see the game plan?" Charlie asks.

 

"Ready as ever," Matt flashes a smile.

 

Charlie claps his hand against Matt's back. "Alright then, let's roll."

 

There is that familiar feeling Kate gets when an investigation turns into raid. It's that feeling of dread as several potential and entirely possible scenarios play out in her head. The last and most horrible one is always the one where she ends up dead.

 

Kate follows the group inside. They walk through the hallway down the same path that takes her to the meeting room. Kate goes to the first chair she sees, and she mentally prepared herself for what is to come. Alejandro sits next to her, and she's starting to believe he is choosing to be close to her on purpose.

 

Charlie walks to the front of the room. He switches on the overhead projector to show a bird's eye view of a building. He clears his throat before he speaks, "This is a photograph of the house we will be raiding tonight. There are kidnapping victims in this building. Most of them are women and children. Be diligent when firing weapons to keep collateral damage at a minimum."

 

He changes clicks his remote to show another slide of a man in his late 50s. "The man in charge of this human trafficking ring is Ricardo Rodriguez."

 

He clicks the remote several times to show grotesque pictures of burned victims. The picture range from burns on arms or legs to completely decayed, unrecognizable body parts. Kate feels her stomach turn and resists the urge to vomit.

 

"This sick fuck is a pedophile," Charlie continues. "The pictures you are viewing are bodies of children this disgusting piece of shit violated before exposing their flesh to acid."

 

Kate’s entire body goes numb. Her hands start to shake the truth dawns on her. Kate doesn’t want to look at him -- doesn’t want to see the truth. She's afraid to see the anger, the pain, and sadness in his eyes. She fears her sympathy will allow herself to fully forgive him, and she _can't_ allow herself to forgive him. If she does, the path she will walk down is one she'll never come back from it. She'll fail in her promise to Reggie. She'll never regain her morals, and she'll completely lose herself forever.

 

"I need all of you ready to head out in an hour," Charlie says.

 

Charlie shuts off the screen. Kate remains seated as several people file out of the room. She waits till Matt leaves the room.

 

_One breath, two breaths, three breaths…_

 

Kate finally looks to Alejandro. He’s rising from his seat, his back turned away from her.

 

" _Wait!_ ”

 

Her entire body is a trembling mess as she approaches him. She wraps her arms around him in some hug, and she just whispers, " _I'm so sorry._ I’m sorry for what happened to her…”

  



	7. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a bit of nightmare fuel, but it's Sicario so that is to be expected.

_What might it be like to live your last moments being violated by a man you've never met before dying a horrific death?_ Kate has seen images of victims and arrested their murderers so many times. She's always felt something -- a black pit of sickness and disgust to a cold sharp blade in her heart. This time it's too much, because she's closer to _him_ than the faces of the husbands, mothers, wives, and siblings she's seen over the years. She _knows_ him, and that's why it feels so much more personal.

 

Kate pulls the Kevlar vest over the military fatigues lent to her. She feels almost like a different person now than she did a year ago. She's starting to find ways to justify herself, because that's how it all starts doesn't it? You're breaking the law, but you're making excuses for why you _really_ should. Perhaps the law is incorrect, and why should congress and elected representatives decide them? They only pass the ones that fuel their agenda...

 

Kate slams the locker door and tries to resist the anger burning in her chest. This won't end here. She'll continue to accept jobs from these people. She'll probably decline at first -- fight this for as long as she can. But, she's crossed a line, and you don't come back once that line is crossed. She'll cave just like she does each time she's around these people.

 

Kate ejects the clip from her assault rifle and takes it apart piece by piece. She examines it closely, making sure that the weapon meets her inspection requirements. Her brow furrows when she notices that her ammunition clip isn't loaded. Kate puts the rifle back together and tries to focus. Tonight she cannot leave any room for mistakes.

 

She slings the rifle over her shoulder and exits the room only to see Matt waiting for her. "The ammunition clip isn't loaded."

 

Matt’s features twist in confusion at her words. "Hmm -- that's odd. I'll have grab you a replacement clip before we head out."

 

Kate walks alongside Matt in silence. It's odd that she's starting to feel comfortable around him, because she knows that Matt is far from trustworthy. But, she does trust him in some regard. He won't let her get killed, because on some level, she is an asset to further his goals.

 

Kate sees Alejandro at the end of the hall, and there's this resurgence of so many conflicting emotions. She remembers holding him and resting her head against him. It's getting harder and harder to be around him.

 

"I'm gonna grab you another ammunition clip," Matt says. "I'll be back."

 

There's this sinking nervousness in her stomach and her head has a spinny, hazy sort of feeling. Kate’s not sure what she should say to him or if she should even speak at all.

 

"Your ammunition clip was faulty?" he ask.

 

"Yeah -- uh, it was just empty. The weapon itself is fine," she says.

 

An honest mistake could get her killed though, and she's thankful that she caught it before going out into the field. Matt returns with three ammunition clips, each fully loaded. Kate takes one from him and pulls the gun from her shoulder. She replaces the empty clip, and then, takes the extra two clips from him to store in her belt.

 

"Everyone ready?" Matt asks.

 

Kate gives him a small nod. She won't ever be fully ready for this, but she's as ready as she'll ever be.

 

"Let's move out," Matt says.

 

Kate follows Matt outside the building to a black Chevy Tahoe. She opens the door and climbs in the backseat. Alejandro follows and shuts the door behind him. It's strange that a few days ago she wanted distance from him, but now she wants him close to her.

 

The SUV falls in line with five identical vehicles, and it takes her back to her first day in Juarez. Juarez is an awful memory burned in her mind, and she has a feeling today, in the outskirts of Tijuana, will yield more awful memories. There is nothing she will see in that building that will be pleasant. She accepts this as she prepares herself for the worst.

 

Kate sees _Mexico_ written in large capital letters as the SUV moves into a vacant lane. The SUV passes through the checkpoint without so much as stopping. Kate sees that a clear path has been made for them ahead. Her eyes scan the roads for any suspicious movement as the vehicle moves through the road with ease.

 

The car moves through the city until the city finally starts to turn into barren land. They exit the freeway and the vehicles drive off of the road. She glances over to Alejandro. How can he look so calm when she feels like her nerves are on fire? She envies the part of him that doesn’t seem to feel fear, because right now, she just wants to will away that shaky feeling inside of her.

 

The vehicle brakes to a stop. Kate grabs her rifle and exits the car. She searches the perimeter for any sign of civilization, but all she sees is endless barren land. They seem to be out in the middle of nowhere. Kate follows behind Alejandro and joins the rest of the group. Charlie is standing in the center of a circle.

 

“Our location is three miles ahead,” Charlie informs. “The driver’s will stay here until they are radioed to meet us at our location. The rest of us will travel on foot to keep a low profile. Let’s move out.”

 

Kate gravitates towards Alejandro. She shouldn’t feel safer around him than any of the members of Charlie’s Delta Squad. He’s shot her in body armor before and he’s threatened her life at gunpoint. She should feel anything but safe around him. Still, she clings to whatever sense of security she feels being near him, and she convinces him that staying close to him will keep her alive.

 

Kate sees Matt glance over at her. A slimy grin forms across his lips. “Sometimes I think it’s dumb to employ women in these kind of jobs. They get _attached_ , you know?”

 

Kate swallows nervously at his words and asks, “Fraternization?”

 

“Well, that is the legal term I guess,” his slimy grin only widens at her as if to hint at something. “But yes, women employed in covert missions tend to complicate things.”

 

“It’s not really fair to fault just the woman,” she says as if she’s speaking in her defense. “If two people can’t be professional enough to keep it together, it’s on both of them.”

 

Matt does not reply to her. He just gives her a side glance and walks ahead of her. _He knows something_. Her stomach twists into knots. Finding information is something Matt is very skilled at. That conversation was his way of hinting that he suspects something.

 

It shouldn’t matter, because nothing has happened. _Nothing will happen_. What exactly does he have against her? Some half-assed theory that she might have feelings for her coworker. There’s no information that would back his claim nor would anyone actually care for his high school type of gossip. But still, his words feel like some thinly veiled threat.

 

The group closes in on the secluded building. Charlie opens fire on three men on guard. Kate can feel every nerve constrict as she continues to follow the group. Charlie kicks the door open, and Kate follows Alejandro inside the building. She can hear the sound of shrieking women and cries of children echoing through the walls. It sends a chill through her spine.

 

“My guns jammed…” a panicked soldier says as he examines his rifle.

 

The man is hit by an oncoming bullet, and Kate instinctively takes cover behind a wall. She sees a pair of children eying her, and she tries her best to keep a confident stance in their presence. _Two men down_ , she hears Charlie over her earpiece. _Both experienced malfunction with weaponry._ Kate thinks back to her ammunition clip, and it suddenly becomes clear to her. Their weapons were tampered with. There is a spy in their group -- _a planted mole._

 

Kate thinks to relay the message over the radio, but hesitates. Alejandro takes cover behind the opposite wall from her. Her eyes lock with his as she says, “I’m 99 percent sure some of our weapons were tampered with. My ammunition clip...the guns malfunctioning…”

 

Another soldier takes cover in the room, and Kate grips her rifle tightly. There is a traitor in the midst. She trusts Alejandro and she’s sure Matt is also on their side. It could be anyone -- the soldier in the room or one of their drivers. She swallows roughly as she eyes the soldier. He’s lifting his gun, aiming in her direction. She’s about to shoot, but Alejandro sends a bullet through his leg first.

 

The children’s cries are sharp as the man falls to the floor. Alejandro grabs the man off the floor and drags him by his collar. Kate follows him as they exit the building, and it becomes so clear that this was all just a set up. Shoshana Rosenberg is not in this building and neither is Ricardo Rodriguez. Charlie and Matt are close behind them, and Matt is cursing up a storm.

 

“Abort mission,” Charlie says into the radio. “If there is anyone still in the building, I’m asking to leave immediately. All drivers are requested to pick us up from our location A.S.A.P.”

 

“ _Sir, there’s some kind of device in the center of the house_ ,” Kate hears over the radio. “ _There’s wires going into the…_ ”

 

Kate doesn’t have time to think before Alejandro pushes her to the ground. An explosion roars and Kate can feel waves of heat against her skin. Her ears are ringing and dust invades her senses. She draws in one deep, haggard breath as her mind processes all that has just occurred. There team was in the building, kidnapped women and children…

 

_They’re all dead._

 

“Breathe,” she hears Alejandro whisper to her.

 

She takes a breath, and she thinks that she should cry. Yet, her eyes are dry as a desert, and she feels so numb. There’s a part of her that isn’t even sure if she’s still alive. She manages to take in another breath and coughs as dust particles fill her mouth.

 

She can see Matt restraining the traitor Delta Squad member across from her. She feels Alejandro stroking the top of her head in some attempt at comfort. She breathes again, and she tells herself she should move. She tries to will herself to stand, but she just mentally can’t. Not yet...not after registering that walking into that trap cost so many lives.

 

Kate feels responsible. Her clip was tampered with, and she should have known. She shouldn’t have wrote it off as a coincidence. She should have said _something_ . It’s her _fault_. She tries to cry, but her eyes are still dry. She feels like she doesn’t deserve to survive this, and that she should have been inside of that building instead of everyone else.

 

Her ears still ring, and she manages another breath. She reaches for some sort of emotion -- anger, sadness, fear -- _anything_. Kate feels alive and dead at the same time like she’s some sort of zombie. She hates zombies, and she hates that stupid show Reggie watches. _Reggie_. He’s not here. Thank god he’s not here.

 

“ _Kate_ , I need you to stand up for me,” Alejandro’s voice pulls her from her irrational train of thought.

 

She swallows nervously, breaths, and manages to nod. His hands lift her from her waist, and she shakily climbs to her feet with his help. When she stands, her head spins like a merry-go-round. Her gaze steadies and there’s a small severed human arm in front of her. Kate bend over and pukes.

 

“They’re just body parts,” Matt says. “Get a grip, Kate.”

 

Matt’s words alone cause her to puke again. She waits a few seconds before she stands up straight. Kate allows herself to look at the now burning house. There are pieces of wood, metal, and body parts scattered. _I’m okay_ , she mentally tells herself over and over. She’s not _okay_ , but she thinks maybe she can convince herself that she’s fine.

 

Alejandro’s hand is on her bicep as he guides her to an SUV. She’s glad that he’s the one helping her, because if it were Matt, he’d be manhandling her to the SUV while chewing her out for being so weak. Alejandro opens the door to the car for her and he helps her inside. She shifts to the other end of the car and he climbs in next to her.

 

“Takes us back to San Diego,” he orders the driver.

 

The car reverses before speeding off through the barren land. Everything that has just happened is finally processing, and Kate finally feels the tears fall from her eyes.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
